I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
