dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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