the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
