Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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