He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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