Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
