I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
