i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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