i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
