I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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