whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
