I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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