I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
