I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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