i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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