dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got inside last night via doggy door
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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