so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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