He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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