D3 body, D1 cock
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
