My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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