Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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