isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
