okay pat passed out under dana's car
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
