i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
