when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just high enough for therapy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
