He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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