So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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