U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
