bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Farmville is her only friend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
