I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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