That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
