Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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