I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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