is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
