i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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