Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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