is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
