The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
