Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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