haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
