when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
