I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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