Me too!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
