He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
