everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
