It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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