You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
