she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
