i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
