okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
